if life is just a joke then why am I dead

I wasn't going to do this, but I'm bored and no one seems to be around (in other words, people are spending time with their families and celebrating Christmas instead of writing me porn - what's with that?), so I might as well. *sighs theatrically and pokes flist in indelicate places*

If you had me under your command and could make me write anything, regardless of whether or not I know the fandom or if anybody even writes fic in that fandom and no matter how crack-addled it might be, what would you love to see me write?

If you inspire me, I might even do it. Otherwise, I might end up writing Jesus Christ Superstar/Judas Iscariot treats for yuletide, and you don't want that. Although it would be appropriate for the time of year. *ponders*

So, any takers?