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wildestrangerTitle: The Law of Seduction 2/3
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: NC-17
Words: 2890
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns these characters, I have no permission to use them and I am making no money out of this. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Summary: The law of seduction takes the form of an uninterrupted ritual exchange where seducer and seduced constantly raise the stakes in a game that never ends.
Notes: Thanks to all who aswered my question about what should happen next. You were all very amusing. The next part should be posted within two weeks. I am aiming for one week, but there is too much other stuff I need to do next week to be able to say that I will. Will be crossposted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
remusxsirius and remus_centric. The first part can be found here
Feedback is most appreciated, particularly constructive criticism. If you find any spelling mistakes etc., please let me know!
EDIT: All of you who had preditions about what would happen, what do you think of this? Surprised?
Both characters are over 18 here.
Part Two
“You’re an idiot.”
“Cheers.”
“No, really.”
“James Potter is calling me an idiot . Tell me, James, are you familiar with the concept of irony?”
James smiles, but his eyes are serious.
“You’re supposed to be the clever one. If Sirius or me did something like that it would be because we don’t know any better. But you would know better, you’d know it would make him feel used and worthless. Either that, or you’re an idiot, and I don’t want to think one of my best mates is that manipulative, and so you’re an idiot.”
“You trying to make me feel worse, aren’t you?”
“Is it working?”
Remus is sitting with James in the pub a week later. They’re both hungover, and Lily is flitting about somewhere trying to convince the landlord to serve them some food. She has already given him a similar lecture, about friendship and trust and how could Remus ever think that. Even Peter was annoyed at him, and had pointed out that Sirius was hardly subtle enough to make such a performance. Remus finds that he agrees with them all.
“You need to sort it out, mate.”
“I know.”
“Soon. Or I’ll have to take exception to your breaking my best friend’s heart.”
“I haven’t broken Sirius’ heart! It’s not like that!”
James gives him a look that is clearly trying to say something. Remus decides he doesn’t understand what it might mean.
: :
Remus likes to think that when he fucks up, he also takes responsibility for his actions. He prepares a list of things he needs to say to Sirius, an apology for shouting at him, an apology for misleading him. These are things he needs to say, despite the awkwardness, and he repeats them in his head so many times that the thought of talking to Sirius no longer makes him cringe.
He understands that while Sirius’ curiosity might have lead him to think he fancies Remus, his loyalty to his friends would not allow him to do so without any show of affection. Remus doesn’t doubt Sirius sincerity, he is willing to believe that Sirius believes he likes Remus that way. But this is something they don’t need to talk about. Sirius would only insist, and it would be awkward. So he will be careful, and polite, and friendly.
He will say that it would be a bad idea. They are friends, and sex would only complicate things. Ruin their friendship.
It sounds pompous in his own head too.
: :
Remus has avoided Sirius for the past week. He stayed at work till late, avoided Order meetings, made as little noise as possible when at home. It was only when he fell asleep on the sofa one afternoon, and woke up to an empty flat, that he realized Sirius was avoiding him as well. And doing a much better job of it. Now Remus has taken to sitting on the living room sofa, a pile of books and endless cups of coffee by his side.
When he hears the sound of the door opening, he turns the page but doesn’t pretend to move his eyes.
“Hello, Remus.”
It takes him too long to lift his eyes from the book, and by the time he has prepared and answer, Sirius has already left the room. He can hear the sounds of water running in the bathroom a minute later, but is, nevertheless, not prepared for the sight of Sirius, dressed in a very small towel and dripping on the living room carpet, standing in front of him. Again. Remus has a very bad feeling about this.
There is a drop of water just next to Sirius’ left nipple, which, under Remus’ eyes, moves down over his stomach, over the few strands of black hair rising above the towel, and dissolves on Sirius’ hipbone. Remus forgets to close his eyes and has to blink many times when Sirius speaks.
“I have decided to let you take advantage of me.”
Remus blinks again, just to be sure he heard it right. He tries not to look at Sirius’ smile, but what he sees from the corner of his eye makes him uncomfortable. Sirius has moved closer, and one drop of water is threatening to fall on Remus’ knee.
Remus opens his mouth to speak but then Sirius straddles him and all breath leaves his body. His trousers are starting to get wet, but he’s almost sure it’s from the towel. Sirius is sitting on his stomach, his hands leaning on the sofa, and his face is slowly moving closer.
Remus has to speak now.
“What if I don’t want to take advantage of you?”
Remus can see Sirius’ teeth now. There are wet fingers opening his shirt.
“I would say you’re lying. Unless you’ve changed the place where you keep your wand. And unless those aren’t your fingers on my back.”
Remus realizes that his hands are in fact on Sirius’ back, stroking the skin just above the towel.
“This is a bad idea.”
Remus is pleased to discover his brain is still working. Yet it seems to have no effect on Sirius.
Sirius becomes serious, and licks his lower lip. Remus feels faint.
“Are you saying you don’t want me?”
The silence stretches, and Remus’ hands become still.
“Right. Well, this is embarrassing.”
Sirius is trying to get up but Remus grabs his hips, and the towel is accidentally dislodged in the tussle.
“Sirius. Sirius! It isn’t that, of course it isn’t, how could I not…but you know it’s a bad idea. I shouldn’t…bad idea.”
Sirius has stopped struggling, but the tension in his body is affecting Remus as well.
“Why don’t you let me decide that? Seeing as I’m the one being taken advantage of?”
Sirius has moved closer again, and Remus can feel his breath on his lips as he speaks. Then Sirius’ mouth is on his, slowly licking his lips, and Remus moans because this is what he’s been remembering all week. This touch, this feeling, and oh it’s so good. Sirius’ fingers return to opening his shirt, and soon he can feel the wet warmth of Sirius’ skin against his chest. Remus drops the towel to the floor, and slides his hands down Sirius’ sides, thumbs delicate over his ribs, settling down over his hipbones. Sirius grinds his arse over Remus’ crotch and they both stop breathing. Remus makes a slight flexing motion and watches Sirius’ eyes roll over.
“God, you’re really good at this.”
Sirius whispers on Remus’ cheek, and Remus can’t resist the urge to flex his hips again.
“You could teach me. Professor Lupin.”
Remus tries not to think about whether Sirius has done this before, but he clearly does know how to use his tongue on a human body, how to blow warm air on nipples and how to tease them with licks, and bites, and sucking. How to flick a tongue on a hipbone, swirling circles around and roughly lap at the sensitive skin at the juncture of stomach and thigh. The rest he improvises, and Remus thinks Sirius must have thought about how to do this beforehand, and then he stops thinking completely.
“How was that? Professor?”
Sirius licks his lips. Remus looks at him, naked and lying on top of Remus, mouth wet with kisses and fingers wet from the shower and other things. And he wants Remus.
This is what he has told himself he should never want. And yet, it occurs to him, he has never wanted anything more.
Remus reaches up, takes Sirius’ face between his hands, and kisses him. He flips them over, and pushes Sirius on the floor. As Sirius is laughing he gives in to the urge to touch and to kiss and makes sure Sirius understands how much he is wanted at this moment. And despite what Sirius might have read (Remus shudders, then shudders again as Sirius moans beneath his hands), there are things you cannot learn from books, things he knows how to do that Sirius might not have thought of.
He pays particular attention to Sirius’ thighs, muscled from many hours of riding a broomstick, and lifts Sirius' legs to lick behind his knees. And as Sirius twitches, and bites his lips, Remus moves closer to his arse, and breathes on the sensitive skin. Sirius twitches again.
Remus doesn’t usually enjoy this, but Sirius has just had a shower and he is quickly coming undone under Remus’ mouth, shaking and kicking and moaning. Fair payback after what he did to Remus, fair payback for all the teasing, fair payback for making Remus a puddle of lust on the sofa.
He delves his tongue deep inside Sirius, and his fingers strengthen their grip on the base of Sirius’ cock. Sirius is shaking uncontrollably now, twitching every time Remus’ tongue touches him, and every time he waits for Remus to touch him.
“Remus. Please. Remus.”
Remus lifts himself up higher on top of Sirius’ body until they are face to face. Sirius’ cheeks are flushed, and he is breathing in short bursts. Remus feels smug.
He kisses the spot beneath Sirius’ ear, bites his earlobe and slides his hand along the top of Sirius’ cock. Sirius jerks, presses his mouth against Remus’, and comes on Remus’ hand crying Moonymoonymoony.
“All right there, Padfoot?”
Sirius looks at him, and smiles, that same open, irresistible smile, and Remus can’t help but smile in return.
“Perfect.”
Another grin.
“Should have done this years ago.”
Remus feels his smile disappearing.
“And what have we done, precisely?”
Sirius looks at him, and loses his smile. He lifts his hand to Remus’ chest.
“Well, as I understand it, we just had sex on the living room floor.”
“This is a bad idea.”
“So you keep saying.”
“Well, it is! We’re supposed to be mates, but sex, sex complicates things, even if it is just shagging with no emotional involvement. It will ruin our friendship.”
“With no emotional involvement?”
Sirius removes his hand from Remus’ chest, and Remus feels urges he chooses not to name.
“Somehow I don’t think you should be giving me any lectures on friendship.”
Sirius gets up and walks to his room, slamming the door. As Remus picks up the wet towel, he finds he cannot blame Sirius for being melodramatic.
: :
The next day Remus tries to construct another apology. He spends the evening waiting for Sirius, sitting on the sofa fortified by Victorian novels, but he doesn’t show up. Remus goes to bed at midnight, and wakes up at one o’clock, when Sirius comes to his bed. He says “This is what you want, right?” but doesn’t let Remus answer, just kisses him and licks him all over until Remus is whimpering and biting his fist. He falls asleep with Sirius’ arms around him
They settle into a pattern. Sirius comes to his bed at night and seduces him with soft hands and warm lips. Remus stops saying this is a bad idea, and when Sirius smiles at him, he gives half-exasperated smiles in return. They don’t talk about feelings, but Remus is getting nervous about what he is learning to read in Sirius’ sudden caresses and excited voice. He lies in bed at night and allows Sirius to touch him, and teaches him what to do with hands and lips. He tries not to pay attention to the goose bumps on his stomach and the hum in his blood whenever Sirius is near.
He tells himself he isn’t taking advantage of an infatuated Sirius, because it is Sirius who comes to his bed, and anyway, Sirius doesn’t really fancy him. He does, however, wonder whether the delusion is contagious. And whether the unsteady feeling he gets in his stomach when Sirius looks at him is really a new development.
: :
The list of things Remus won’t talk about is getting smaller, and its boundaries more fluid. Sirius has never asked him about his transformations, but now he does, and Remus, stunned into thoughtless contentment by Sirius’ stories about being a dog, and Sirius’ fingers on his knee, tells him. Sirius talks about his family, what his cousins used to do when he was little, what they made him watch, and later, to do. He talks about his brother, how they used to hide from their mother and the house-elves and tell marvelous stories to each other, and how these days Regulus looks away when he sees his brother. Sirius tells him of his last girlfriend, and why it didn’t work out, and how he started wondering about boys. He is careful not to talk about their relationship, and Remus is grateful. He starts to think about what stories he could tell, what scars he could show. Sirius doesn’t ever ask, but whenever Remus tells him something, he takes hold of Remus’ hands and starts to suck on his fingers. Remus wonders sometimes if this is meant to produce a Pavlovian reaction in him.
: :
Remus doesn’t know what Sirius has told their friends, but when James and Lily and Peter come for dinner in their flat, they all give him strange looks. Remus allows himself to relax after they’ve shared two bottles of wine, but when Sirius brings in the dessert wearing an apron, James seems to decide he’s had enough.
“I realise that you’re shagging and all, but do you have to look like his wife?”
“Maybe this is their way of telling us that they’re happy and in love?”
Lily is smiling, and Sirius smiles back, but the tension is the room makes the hair on Remus’ neck stand up.
“Oh Remus doesn’t love me, he’s just using me for my body.”
Sirius is still grinning, but everybody else is wearing various expressions of shock on their face. Then they turn to look at Remus.
“Right.”
Remus stands up and stumbles to the door. Sirius is saying something about a joke behind him, but he concentrates on not listening, and just walking through the door, getting his coat, walking through the front door.
: :
It shouldn’t surprise him. Sirius likes to make jokes like that, likes to shock people. He doesn’t really think that.
And Remus isn’t using Sirius for his body because he is quite clearly in love with Sirius. It isn’t even about how he should know better than to fall in love with his gorgeous friend, who has left more broken hearts behind than you could shake a stick at (and Remus suddenly feels the urge to do just that, shake a stick at them, for what did they know, silly girls, silly boys, they didn’t even know Sirius, how dare they call themselves brokenhearted). He quite obviously couldn’t help himself, and Sirius hasn’t done anything wrong. On the contrary, he has given Remus everything he could want, things he didn’t even know he wanted, and without asking anything in return. It hadn’t occurred to Remus how much he kept from his friends, how much, despite all the proclamations of friendship he has made to them and to himself, he doesn’t trust them. But Sirius gives without concerns for dignity or embarrassment.
He needs to speak out. He needs to speak to Sirius. He needs to speak.
: :
“It was only a joke.”
“I know.”
Sirius was waiting for him in the kitchen, dirty plates piled up for the morning and Sirius’ next burst of energy. He is still wearing the apron.
“You remember two days ago, in the morning, in the bathroom? When I came in when you were in the shower, and we…”
“You were still half-asleep, and you had these marks from the sheets on your arms, and you were leaning against the tiles, with your eyes closed. And I was thinking…you have these freckles on your stomach, and in some places they’re in little clusters and in some places there’s just a few, and I just had to…you were so beautiful. Are so beautiful. I don’t ever not want to touch you, and that’s why I keep coming and molesting you all the time, I just can’t help myself, you’re just so Moony. And that’s not fair on you.”
“I know you don’t really want me. And you’re right, it is a bad idea. So we should stop.”
Sirius starts to untie the apron around his waist, but it’s too tight, and he has to tear it free.
“I’m going to stay with James and Lily for a few days. I need to find a place of my own. But don’t worry, the rent’s covered till the end of the month.”
Remus thinks that he really must say something now, but his mouth won’t open and his feet feel like they’re about to crumble.
“I’m sorry but I can’t live with you anymore. Being around you all the time is too much, and I don’t think I could stop touching you. See, I’m trying to be mature here.”
There’s a light smile in the curve of Sirius’ mouth, but Remus knows it isn’t intended to mean what smiles usually mean.
“So, I guess I’ll be seeing you.”
As the door closes behind Sirius, Remus decides he will never trust himself with words again.
Part Three
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: NC-17
Words: 2890
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns these characters, I have no permission to use them and I am making no money out of this. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Summary: The law of seduction takes the form of an uninterrupted ritual exchange where seducer and seduced constantly raise the stakes in a game that never ends.
Notes: Thanks to all who aswered my question about what should happen next. You were all very amusing. The next part should be posted within two weeks. I am aiming for one week, but there is too much other stuff I need to do next week to be able to say that I will. Will be crossposted to
remusxsirius and remus_centric. The first part can be found hereFeedback is most appreciated, particularly constructive criticism. If you find any spelling mistakes etc., please let me know!
EDIT: All of you who had preditions about what would happen, what do you think of this? Surprised?
Both characters are over 18 here.
Part Two
“You’re an idiot.”
“Cheers.”
“No, really.”
“James Potter is calling me an idiot . Tell me, James, are you familiar with the concept of irony?”
James smiles, but his eyes are serious.
“You’re supposed to be the clever one. If Sirius or me did something like that it would be because we don’t know any better. But you would know better, you’d know it would make him feel used and worthless. Either that, or you’re an idiot, and I don’t want to think one of my best mates is that manipulative, and so you’re an idiot.”
“You trying to make me feel worse, aren’t you?”
“Is it working?”
Remus is sitting with James in the pub a week later. They’re both hungover, and Lily is flitting about somewhere trying to convince the landlord to serve them some food. She has already given him a similar lecture, about friendship and trust and how could Remus ever think that. Even Peter was annoyed at him, and had pointed out that Sirius was hardly subtle enough to make such a performance. Remus finds that he agrees with them all.
“You need to sort it out, mate.”
“I know.”
“Soon. Or I’ll have to take exception to your breaking my best friend’s heart.”
“I haven’t broken Sirius’ heart! It’s not like that!”
James gives him a look that is clearly trying to say something. Remus decides he doesn’t understand what it might mean.
: :
Remus likes to think that when he fucks up, he also takes responsibility for his actions. He prepares a list of things he needs to say to Sirius, an apology for shouting at him, an apology for misleading him. These are things he needs to say, despite the awkwardness, and he repeats them in his head so many times that the thought of talking to Sirius no longer makes him cringe.
He understands that while Sirius’ curiosity might have lead him to think he fancies Remus, his loyalty to his friends would not allow him to do so without any show of affection. Remus doesn’t doubt Sirius sincerity, he is willing to believe that Sirius believes he likes Remus that way. But this is something they don’t need to talk about. Sirius would only insist, and it would be awkward. So he will be careful, and polite, and friendly.
He will say that it would be a bad idea. They are friends, and sex would only complicate things. Ruin their friendship.
It sounds pompous in his own head too.
: :
Remus has avoided Sirius for the past week. He stayed at work till late, avoided Order meetings, made as little noise as possible when at home. It was only when he fell asleep on the sofa one afternoon, and woke up to an empty flat, that he realized Sirius was avoiding him as well. And doing a much better job of it. Now Remus has taken to sitting on the living room sofa, a pile of books and endless cups of coffee by his side.
When he hears the sound of the door opening, he turns the page but doesn’t pretend to move his eyes.
“Hello, Remus.”
It takes him too long to lift his eyes from the book, and by the time he has prepared and answer, Sirius has already left the room. He can hear the sounds of water running in the bathroom a minute later, but is, nevertheless, not prepared for the sight of Sirius, dressed in a very small towel and dripping on the living room carpet, standing in front of him. Again. Remus has a very bad feeling about this.
There is a drop of water just next to Sirius’ left nipple, which, under Remus’ eyes, moves down over his stomach, over the few strands of black hair rising above the towel, and dissolves on Sirius’ hipbone. Remus forgets to close his eyes and has to blink many times when Sirius speaks.
“I have decided to let you take advantage of me.”
Remus blinks again, just to be sure he heard it right. He tries not to look at Sirius’ smile, but what he sees from the corner of his eye makes him uncomfortable. Sirius has moved closer, and one drop of water is threatening to fall on Remus’ knee.
Remus opens his mouth to speak but then Sirius straddles him and all breath leaves his body. His trousers are starting to get wet, but he’s almost sure it’s from the towel. Sirius is sitting on his stomach, his hands leaning on the sofa, and his face is slowly moving closer.
Remus has to speak now.
“What if I don’t want to take advantage of you?”
Remus can see Sirius’ teeth now. There are wet fingers opening his shirt.
“I would say you’re lying. Unless you’ve changed the place where you keep your wand. And unless those aren’t your fingers on my back.”
Remus realizes that his hands are in fact on Sirius’ back, stroking the skin just above the towel.
“This is a bad idea.”
Remus is pleased to discover his brain is still working. Yet it seems to have no effect on Sirius.
Sirius becomes serious, and licks his lower lip. Remus feels faint.
“Are you saying you don’t want me?”
The silence stretches, and Remus’ hands become still.
“Right. Well, this is embarrassing.”
Sirius is trying to get up but Remus grabs his hips, and the towel is accidentally dislodged in the tussle.
“Sirius. Sirius! It isn’t that, of course it isn’t, how could I not…but you know it’s a bad idea. I shouldn’t…bad idea.”
Sirius has stopped struggling, but the tension in his body is affecting Remus as well.
“Why don’t you let me decide that? Seeing as I’m the one being taken advantage of?”
Sirius has moved closer again, and Remus can feel his breath on his lips as he speaks. Then Sirius’ mouth is on his, slowly licking his lips, and Remus moans because this is what he’s been remembering all week. This touch, this feeling, and oh it’s so good. Sirius’ fingers return to opening his shirt, and soon he can feel the wet warmth of Sirius’ skin against his chest. Remus drops the towel to the floor, and slides his hands down Sirius’ sides, thumbs delicate over his ribs, settling down over his hipbones. Sirius grinds his arse over Remus’ crotch and they both stop breathing. Remus makes a slight flexing motion and watches Sirius’ eyes roll over.
“God, you’re really good at this.”
Sirius whispers on Remus’ cheek, and Remus can’t resist the urge to flex his hips again.
“You could teach me. Professor Lupin.”
Remus tries not to think about whether Sirius has done this before, but he clearly does know how to use his tongue on a human body, how to blow warm air on nipples and how to tease them with licks, and bites, and sucking. How to flick a tongue on a hipbone, swirling circles around and roughly lap at the sensitive skin at the juncture of stomach and thigh. The rest he improvises, and Remus thinks Sirius must have thought about how to do this beforehand, and then he stops thinking completely.
“How was that? Professor?”
Sirius licks his lips. Remus looks at him, naked and lying on top of Remus, mouth wet with kisses and fingers wet from the shower and other things. And he wants Remus.
This is what he has told himself he should never want. And yet, it occurs to him, he has never wanted anything more.
Remus reaches up, takes Sirius’ face between his hands, and kisses him. He flips them over, and pushes Sirius on the floor. As Sirius is laughing he gives in to the urge to touch and to kiss and makes sure Sirius understands how much he is wanted at this moment. And despite what Sirius might have read (Remus shudders, then shudders again as Sirius moans beneath his hands), there are things you cannot learn from books, things he knows how to do that Sirius might not have thought of.
He pays particular attention to Sirius’ thighs, muscled from many hours of riding a broomstick, and lifts Sirius' legs to lick behind his knees. And as Sirius twitches, and bites his lips, Remus moves closer to his arse, and breathes on the sensitive skin. Sirius twitches again.
Remus doesn’t usually enjoy this, but Sirius has just had a shower and he is quickly coming undone under Remus’ mouth, shaking and kicking and moaning. Fair payback after what he did to Remus, fair payback for all the teasing, fair payback for making Remus a puddle of lust on the sofa.
He delves his tongue deep inside Sirius, and his fingers strengthen their grip on the base of Sirius’ cock. Sirius is shaking uncontrollably now, twitching every time Remus’ tongue touches him, and every time he waits for Remus to touch him.
“Remus. Please. Remus.”
Remus lifts himself up higher on top of Sirius’ body until they are face to face. Sirius’ cheeks are flushed, and he is breathing in short bursts. Remus feels smug.
He kisses the spot beneath Sirius’ ear, bites his earlobe and slides his hand along the top of Sirius’ cock. Sirius jerks, presses his mouth against Remus’, and comes on Remus’ hand crying Moonymoonymoony.
“All right there, Padfoot?”
Sirius looks at him, and smiles, that same open, irresistible smile, and Remus can’t help but smile in return.
“Perfect.”
Another grin.
“Should have done this years ago.”
Remus feels his smile disappearing.
“And what have we done, precisely?”
Sirius looks at him, and loses his smile. He lifts his hand to Remus’ chest.
“Well, as I understand it, we just had sex on the living room floor.”
“This is a bad idea.”
“So you keep saying.”
“Well, it is! We’re supposed to be mates, but sex, sex complicates things, even if it is just shagging with no emotional involvement. It will ruin our friendship.”
“With no emotional involvement?”
Sirius removes his hand from Remus’ chest, and Remus feels urges he chooses not to name.
“Somehow I don’t think you should be giving me any lectures on friendship.”
Sirius gets up and walks to his room, slamming the door. As Remus picks up the wet towel, he finds he cannot blame Sirius for being melodramatic.
: :
The next day Remus tries to construct another apology. He spends the evening waiting for Sirius, sitting on the sofa fortified by Victorian novels, but he doesn’t show up. Remus goes to bed at midnight, and wakes up at one o’clock, when Sirius comes to his bed. He says “This is what you want, right?” but doesn’t let Remus answer, just kisses him and licks him all over until Remus is whimpering and biting his fist. He falls asleep with Sirius’ arms around him
They settle into a pattern. Sirius comes to his bed at night and seduces him with soft hands and warm lips. Remus stops saying this is a bad idea, and when Sirius smiles at him, he gives half-exasperated smiles in return. They don’t talk about feelings, but Remus is getting nervous about what he is learning to read in Sirius’ sudden caresses and excited voice. He lies in bed at night and allows Sirius to touch him, and teaches him what to do with hands and lips. He tries not to pay attention to the goose bumps on his stomach and the hum in his blood whenever Sirius is near.
He tells himself he isn’t taking advantage of an infatuated Sirius, because it is Sirius who comes to his bed, and anyway, Sirius doesn’t really fancy him. He does, however, wonder whether the delusion is contagious. And whether the unsteady feeling he gets in his stomach when Sirius looks at him is really a new development.
: :
The list of things Remus won’t talk about is getting smaller, and its boundaries more fluid. Sirius has never asked him about his transformations, but now he does, and Remus, stunned into thoughtless contentment by Sirius’ stories about being a dog, and Sirius’ fingers on his knee, tells him. Sirius talks about his family, what his cousins used to do when he was little, what they made him watch, and later, to do. He talks about his brother, how they used to hide from their mother and the house-elves and tell marvelous stories to each other, and how these days Regulus looks away when he sees his brother. Sirius tells him of his last girlfriend, and why it didn’t work out, and how he started wondering about boys. He is careful not to talk about their relationship, and Remus is grateful. He starts to think about what stories he could tell, what scars he could show. Sirius doesn’t ever ask, but whenever Remus tells him something, he takes hold of Remus’ hands and starts to suck on his fingers. Remus wonders sometimes if this is meant to produce a Pavlovian reaction in him.
: :
Remus doesn’t know what Sirius has told their friends, but when James and Lily and Peter come for dinner in their flat, they all give him strange looks. Remus allows himself to relax after they’ve shared two bottles of wine, but when Sirius brings in the dessert wearing an apron, James seems to decide he’s had enough.
“I realise that you’re shagging and all, but do you have to look like his wife?”
“Maybe this is their way of telling us that they’re happy and in love?”
Lily is smiling, and Sirius smiles back, but the tension is the room makes the hair on Remus’ neck stand up.
“Oh Remus doesn’t love me, he’s just using me for my body.”
Sirius is still grinning, but everybody else is wearing various expressions of shock on their face. Then they turn to look at Remus.
“Right.”
Remus stands up and stumbles to the door. Sirius is saying something about a joke behind him, but he concentrates on not listening, and just walking through the door, getting his coat, walking through the front door.
: :
It shouldn’t surprise him. Sirius likes to make jokes like that, likes to shock people. He doesn’t really think that.
And Remus isn’t using Sirius for his body because he is quite clearly in love with Sirius. It isn’t even about how he should know better than to fall in love with his gorgeous friend, who has left more broken hearts behind than you could shake a stick at (and Remus suddenly feels the urge to do just that, shake a stick at them, for what did they know, silly girls, silly boys, they didn’t even know Sirius, how dare they call themselves brokenhearted). He quite obviously couldn’t help himself, and Sirius hasn’t done anything wrong. On the contrary, he has given Remus everything he could want, things he didn’t even know he wanted, and without asking anything in return. It hadn’t occurred to Remus how much he kept from his friends, how much, despite all the proclamations of friendship he has made to them and to himself, he doesn’t trust them. But Sirius gives without concerns for dignity or embarrassment.
He needs to speak out. He needs to speak to Sirius. He needs to speak.
: :
“It was only a joke.”
“I know.”
Sirius was waiting for him in the kitchen, dirty plates piled up for the morning and Sirius’ next burst of energy. He is still wearing the apron.
“You remember two days ago, in the morning, in the bathroom? When I came in when you were in the shower, and we…”
“You were still half-asleep, and you had these marks from the sheets on your arms, and you were leaning against the tiles, with your eyes closed. And I was thinking…you have these freckles on your stomach, and in some places they’re in little clusters and in some places there’s just a few, and I just had to…you were so beautiful. Are so beautiful. I don’t ever not want to touch you, and that’s why I keep coming and molesting you all the time, I just can’t help myself, you’re just so Moony. And that’s not fair on you.”
“I know you don’t really want me. And you’re right, it is a bad idea. So we should stop.”
Sirius starts to untie the apron around his waist, but it’s too tight, and he has to tear it free.
“I’m going to stay with James and Lily for a few days. I need to find a place of my own. But don’t worry, the rent’s covered till the end of the month.”
Remus thinks that he really must say something now, but his mouth won’t open and his feet feel like they’re about to crumble.
“I’m sorry but I can’t live with you anymore. Being around you all the time is too much, and I don’t think I could stop touching you. See, I’m trying to be mature here.”
There’s a light smile in the curve of Sirius’ mouth, but Remus knows it isn’t intended to mean what smiles usually mean.
“So, I guess I’ll be seeing you.”
As the door closes behind Sirius, Remus decides he will never trust himself with words again.
Part Three
