wildestranger | Fic: Advantages Remus/James R

I was going to write a long post about how I can't write anymore but I wrote some porn instead. Ahem. Mysterious are the ways of the brain. Mysterious are also the way of the arthritis, which becomes very painful when I try to write thesis but gets most excited when I write porn.

Title: Advantages
Pairing: Remus/James
Rating: R
Words: 2147
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns these characters, I have no permission to use them and I'm making no money out of this. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Notes: This was started as a Christmas present to

kabeyk. It's a bit late. Sorry. But, er, Merry Christmas!

Advantages

It isn’t a well though-out plan. James rarely has well thought-out plans, they tend more to be in the nature of that would be brilliant and oh especially if you did that as well and then oh fuck. But at the time it seems like a good idea.

Peter is staring at him, not the usual wide-eyed James-you’re-so-wonderful stare, but the look of a boy who has just been told that the world is spinning and is waiting for James to make it steady again. This more than anything tells James what he needs to do; pass judgement, decide the meaning of this new information.

Sirius is full of evil glee, his stance of backstabbing bastard of a friend almost perfected now. There had been no hesitation in his voice when he’d told them what he’d seen, of Remus doing things in the locker room after the match against Ravenclaw, with Gideon Prewett, Chaser and adored captain of Gryffindor. At first James had wondered whether Sirius’ outrage was about jealousy because Remus isn’t even on the team. But there is more than that going on. Sirius is becoming more cruel, nasty jokes and careful indifference only rarely punctured by desperate friendship. And every time Remus draws further, says something more scrupulously polite to Sirius’ insults, Sirius gets worse.

And Remus looks steadily at his bed curtains, no flush on his cheeks to show that he’s just been accused of being queer. Or in Sirius’ words, of being a ‘bloody unnatural twat of a shirtlifter.’ Remus doesn’t bite his lip but his hands are holding the book with some unnecessary force. He doesn’t look at James.

Later James tells himself that it wasn’t that, it wasn’t that Remus didn’t expect him to save him. But when he gets up, coughs, his feet strangely unsteady, crosses to Remus’ bed and pulls him into a snog, the look of astonishment on Remus’ face makes his heart beat faster.

Then Remus blushes.

: :

Afterwards, Peter looks at him, a strange blankness on his face, and excuses himself to go to the library. He says nothing about what James has done, doesn’t ask questions or even, as James half expects, asks for a snog himself. It isn’t usual for Peter to be distant like that, but James supposes he needs some time to get used to it. James certainly does.

And Sirius cries out, in twisted fury and anguish about this apparent betrayal. For James to take Remus’ side, for James to kiss any bloke that isn’t Sirius, goes against the nature of their brotherhood.

“Is that it, then? Are you a fucking poof as well?”

It’s at this point that James starts to wonder if it hadn’t been actually a rather bad idea. Sirius watches him, expects him to make a face that says he is still on Sirius’ side, that he is also ready to throw Remus to the wolves, or the lions and snakes and badgers and birds rather, for no other reason than because Sirius feels like it. And when James says nothing, when he looks at Sirius and refuses to show one twitch of an eyebrow of condemnation, Sirius bares his teeth in a growl and storms out.

James hasn’t looked at Remus yet, although his hand is still holding Remus’ sleeve. Finally, Remus pulls back, pulls the corners of his sleeves over his hands, and gives a slight cough.

“Well done, fearless leader. I think they got it now.”

And when James turns to face him and to explain that it was all for Remus’ sake, that he was defending him, he notices that Remus’ mouth is still wet and red from James’ teeth, and he finds he can’t say anything. And Remus, when he picks up his books and leaves as well, says nothing to him either.

: :

James doesn’t like boys; he has six years of chasing Evans to prove it and that’s why it was okay for him to snog Remus, since everybody knows he’s not like that. Yet he remembers the strange pull on his belly when Sirius had described what he’d seen, Remus’ pale body pressed against the tiles of the shower, Gideon’s calloused hands moving over him, the long muscles of his thighs flexing in a compelling rhythm. James has seen Gideon in the showers; they are both Chasers and although Gideon is a year ahead of them, he isn’t taller than James. He’s noticed, as you do, that Gideon likes his showers very hot, so hot that James has to shout at him when any exuberant cascade of water hits him. And he’s heard, as you can’t help hearing, the stifled moans Remus makes when he’s alone in his bed. James wonders whether Remus will make the same moans when it’s somebody else’s hands on his cock, whether he screams when the hot water hits him. Remus is often cold, he knows, and turns into any source of warmth with easy grace.

And the thing is, the worse thing is that James can't stop thinking about it. The taste of mince-pies on Remus' tongue, and although James doesn't like mince-pies he had gone in search of it, needing to be sure that it was there, needing to get rid of it by sucking it out. And the feel of Remus' body, the worn flannel of his shirt hiding such heat, the startling flesh revealed by the hole in his sleeve where James had grabbed him.

Remus' mouth had opened in a surprised puff as James pulled him up and his eyelashes had fluttered once, then stayed open when James kissed him, looking at him. The almost-moan that had been caught in Remus' throat, which James only knows about because he had been stroking Remus' neck with his thumbs.

He keeps watching Remus because he can't not, even though it's terribly embarrassing and he blushes every time Remus catches him at it. But Remus keeps exposing things like his cheeks and ears and neck and once even an accidental collarbone when Peter had pulled on his sleeve, and James finds himself wondering whether they too would be red if he bit them. What would happen if he rubbed his teeth against the freckles on Remus' shoulder, which he hasn't seen in two years but knows are there (he has memories of the one visit Remus and Sirius and Peter had paid at the Potter's summer cottage where James wasted time flashing the neighbours instead of ogling any visible bits of Remus like he should have done). Or if he licked the sweat from where it gathers under Remus' hair, the vulnerable skin pale and hot under his tongue; whether Remus would shiver or try to pull away, or whether he would suppress another moan.

There is no end to the blushing, and James learns to tolerate it like he tolerates the curiosity in Peter's secretive glances and the continuous revulsion in Sirius' attitude.

But soon no amount of pulling Evans' pigtails is going to be enough.

: :

When Remus pulls him aside one afternoon before Care of Magical Creatures James is relieved and thinks, as he notices the freckles on Remus' long fingers, that at least something is going to change, or end, or start. But once hidden in the alcove, barely visible through the streak of candlelight from the corridor, Remus doesn't speak, merely looks at James. And James feels the blood beginning to move in his ears and his hands and toward his cock. He shuffles his feet.

"Did you want something else?"

There is a slight tone of accusation that Remus tries to hide but doesn't quite manage. He doesn't close up, though, the way James has seen him do with Slytherins and lately with Sirius. But where there is room for negotiation there is also a poker face.

When James fails to answer, Remus continues.

"Was there something else that you…did you think I should show my gratitude more?"

"What are you on about?"

James frowns, and the look on Remus' face becomes sly.

"You’ve been looking at me. And I was wondering if you wanted me to do something for you. As thank you."

The insult to James, the idea that he would ask such a thing from his friend, causes a momentary pang. But Remus is watching him with careful eyes and it occurs to James that even if he says no, Remus won't look at him in any other way. He considers telling him about all the things he's been wondering and his thoughts on Remus' earlobes, but that might not make it better. It certainly wouldn't make it more likely for Remus to let him try any of it. Remus reacts badly to people showing an interest in him.

So James lets go of his Gryffindor-pride and says "Maybe." And Remus smiles, a wry, knowing smile that freezes James' thoughts at the same time as it makes his toes curl.

: :

It's awkward, at first. James wonders if this is Remus' way of ensuring he doesn't change his mind, decide to side with Sirius in the end. Make him complicit in the secret instead of merely guarding it. Remus is good at manoeuvring people that way and James has learned not to resent it, even when it's Remus who makes Evans smile after all her knickers have been charmed wet and Sirius is making inappropriate comments. He doesn't have the head for that himself, but then again, he doesn’t mind that. It's too easy to manipulate yourself into a corner that way, and as Remus' composure melts into hidden frowns and sudden quietness, James is glad of his capacity for simple courage. Some things are easier for him to say.

"Right, then, Moony. How do we go about this?"

Remus gives him a slight scowl, as if reproving him for speaking out of turn, but James keeps on his insistently friendly smile.

"Well, you can fuck me, if you like."

The resentment is still evident in his voice, and so James allows himself only the brief image of Remus, wantonly naked and moaning beneath him, before shaking his head.

"I think I'd like it if you, if you did that. To me, I mean."

Remus doesn't stop scowling, but he nods, and leads James to his bed. Sirius and Peter are both out in Hogsmeade and the door to the dormitory is locked, but still there is something strange about doing this here, in bright daylight, now. The hands that open his robes and push down his pants are steady, impersonal even, and as James shivers and feels a dread gnawing at his insides he decides that it's not going to be like that. He's not going to take advantage of Moony and Moony's not going to take advantage of him, no matter what Remus might be telling himself to allow this.

James lets out a long breath and takes Remus' hand, puts it on his belly.

"Show me, then."

: :

But there are other ways of admitting such things, and James learns, as he rubs his fingers against the hair on Remus' thighs, that what Remus would not believe through words he might be convinced of through his body. It means something when James covers Remus' shaking limbs with his own bigger frame and presses loving kisses across his shoulder blades. When James opens his arms and doesn't look away as Remus pounds into him, every thrust a shaky breath of pain that he doesn't hide away from.

James likes to lick the moans reverberating inside Remus' throat, nuzzling blissfully against the tender skin while his fingers move in and out of Remus' arse. The slow stretching of muscle around his knuckles corresponds to the blood on Remus' bitten lips, and the blood on James' back from Remus' nails. He doesn't mind it. He is pleased with every pain Remus chooses to give him.

It isn't enough to save Remus once and to reap the benefits; it isn't enough to beat up Sirius every time Remus grows cold. James needs to keep saving him and he realises, as Remus slides away from under his arm and curls at the other side of the bed, that he might not know how. And that Remus might not believe him if he did, perhaps didn’t believe him the other time.

Yet James is brave and honest and he can pull Remus back, pull him so close that their legs are entangled and that Remus' hair is tickling at his nose. Perhaps Remus resists, perhaps he feels that he must since this isn't love and James is just using him. But James knows quite well who is using whom here, and when he curves his mouth against Remus' jaw, he tells Remus so that he knows it too.

Current Music: Sophie Ellis Bextor: Murder on the Dance Floor

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

kabeyk.livejournal.com

The funny:

they tend more to be in the nature of that would be brilliant and oh especially if you did that as well and then oh fuck

doesn’t ask questions or even, as James half expects, asks for a snog himself

~~That would have made it perfect.~~ Ahem.

I thought I would be copy-pasting all the way through, but after that the rest of it is just so incredibly hot.

all the things he's been wondering and his thoughts on Remus' earlobes

Darling, it's wonderful and funny and hot and soppy and bittersweet all at once. Much love.x

From:

disgraceful and distasteful and distilled

Fic: Advantages Remus/James R

Links

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags