let's talk about sex

[wildestranger]

I've been thinking a lot about sex lately. Writing of it, that is, and since I am having Trouble With Writing I thought I'd ask you.

We all know there are certain scenarios we like to read about, certain acts well expressed that work better than others, but what I'm interested in is how to play this with characterisation. Particularly in relation to Remus and Sirius. What kind of preferences do you think they have? I don't mean just things like Remus being alpha, whatever that means, but what do you think they like to do, and why? Does Sirius like to be tied up because as an aristocrat he is a kinky bugger? Because giving up control allows him to feel less fucked up? Does Remus like to do the buggering because he can't handle not being in control? And if so, what happens when he loses control?

Obiously we all have different Remuses and different Siriuses in our heads, maybe several different kinds, but what I want to know is how does the (or any) Remus and/or Sirius in your head behave in bed, and why?

My Remus likes to be in control, not only of what happens but also how much he shows of what he's feeling. He is anxious about making noises, or uncontrollable movements. He dreads losing control. Because he cannot control what happens to his body as a werewolf, because he has no mind in those moments and can't remember it later, he tries to ensure that this doesn't happen otherwise. But the threat of losing control is also something that fills him with adrenaline, and creates intense situations. And there is a certain temptation also to let go, to allow someone else do things to him, to not be in control of his reactions.

I see Remus as someone who doesn't touch people easily or naturally, but who, being aware of this, has taught himself to touch others, in sex and otherwise, to avoid being t unprepared and potentially humiliated in such moments. He has learned skills in bed because he thinks he should know these things, not merely as a by-product of fun and frolics. This allows him to maintain a cool persona, of someone who is unaffected by others. his skills are dependent on his sense of self.

Sirius, on the other hand, finds it easy to touch others, to seduce and be seduced, and he has learned what to do without conscious effort. Sirius is not as affected by being touched as Remus is, and is as happy to top as to bottom, it's all fun and his ego is not that involved.

Hmm. Clearly I have more to say about Remus' sex life than Sirius'. I'll just have to think more about it, then. *g*

All this so far is what I'm thinking they were like before Azkaban. After that, there are other things to take into consideration: How does Sirius feel about being embraced after living with dementors? What kind of relationships has Remus had in the twelve years, and how does this affect his preferences? What about trust, can either trust the other to take or give control after what happened?

All thoughts welcome. And, you know, porn to illustrate them. *g*

Comments

[kabeyk.livejournal.com]

I think Sirius likes being spanked.

Oh, you want a proper discussion? I'm bad at this.

I have to say, you've described my Remus pretty well already. Actually too well, I have nothing to add. Your Sirius is good too, but I also like the idea that his loveless family made it hard for him to touch and express his feelings, we all like him a little scared and soppy on the inside, don't we? Where would I get fic like that: Sirius all twisted and angsty about his sexuality, and scared, mmm.

Am useless, soz.

You're asking for comment-porn? I give you enough porn already. (Except that James bit I owe - I'll try to do that on Monday.)

Don't do post-Azkaban. :P

kxx

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Why does Sirius like to be spanked? And how? Give me details!

Your Remus is my Remus? Not sure whether I should be glad or afraid of a hive mind. *g*

But Sirius, scared, yes, I can see how that would work. The only thing with that is that I can see him being very easily being physical with people, both in punching people and giving manly claps on the back and stuff. Or maybe just punching is easy but he doesn't know what to do with affectionate touches. And Remus can't handle that either so what happens when they get together and start touching? Ooh, liking this thought.

[minnow-53.livejournal.com]

I've thought for a long time (before I was anywhere near this fandom) that it's very hard to write sex authentically because you're making a private act public. When you talk about it, you don't do so in any detail. (Or maybe other people do? I bet most don't.) I may have a kink about voyeurism, but then if I didn't feel sex was essentially private, voyeurism wouldn't be a deal. Maybe that's why I find it hard to write outright porn, because it's like something where you're not there. The erotic lies in glimpses of what is usually hidden, not in blow-by-blow (literally!) detail.

I see Remus as closing the door. Sirius is more of an exhibitionist. And none of this is any help, remotely. But you did ask.

^_^xx

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

I think you're right, about the privacy of it. I've read a few blow by blow acconts, and they are rarely that interesting. But what makes any kind of description attractive, for me at least, is the characterisation, and what does it mean when they do X or Y. The emotion and the tension are based on character, not on somebody's skill with a blowjob.

And yes, Sirius is an exhibitionist, bless his little heart. And it is because Remus likes to guard himself that I find it so interesting to see what happens when he dares to think about it. But then, I write mostly from Remus' POV so there are different kind of things going on with privacy and perspective. And often he likes to hide things from himself. *g*

[absinthe-lust.livejournal.com]

My Remus and Sirius (if I ever get anything written, that is, behave very differently (not just from each other, but from themselves) in different time periods in their lives: for me, it's pre-Azkaban, which includes Marauder-Era and the short-lived "after school, during the war," and post-Azkaban, which includes everything from PoA through OotP.

During Marauder-Era I see Remus as very shy and hesitant, which is due partially to his personality, and partially to inexperience. I see Sirius as more of the dominant of the two, not because of the experience he may or may not have had, but either because of his general demeanor, his kind of innate arrogance that I suppose all Blacks are born with, or what you mentioned above, his amazing versatility. After they become used to and more comfortable with each other, however, I see them both as having a lot of fun with it. [Of course, depending on when you see them getting together, there could also be pre and post-Prank sex, but I'm not going getting into that right now. Too much of an analysis for me, whew. :-P]

The after-school era I see sex between them being awkward [somehow even more so than when they first began,] and slightly angry. I suppose I think this because of the fact that they both suspected each other of being the spy, which led to their inability to communicate, and hence the awkward sex. Ehh. My thoughts aren't too developed on this time period.

Post-Azkaban: I see more conversation and less sex here, at least at first, but here Remus and Sirius are just beginning to trust each other again, and there are a lot of issues to be covered before they can get anywhere close to where they used to be. However, I see the first few times they have sex again being very hungry, and slightly clumsy, as they're still refamiliarizing. After awhile, though, I do see them maintaining a relationship very close to the one before everything happened.

Overall I mainly see Remus as being in sort of an emotional shell, and Sirius as the one who coaxes him out of it. Of course, there are always times when the roles are completely reversed.... Hmm. Maybe you can just strike that. I'm rambling now, I think.


Yes, that was my extremely long, somewhat nonsensical, almost entirely useless two cents. Also, it ended up being more about their relationship than about the sex. *sighs*

I just wish I was a talented enough artist to illustrate all of the mindporn I have. :-P

[absinthe-lust.livejournal.com]

Christ, that comment was OMG HUGE.

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

I agree that it would be very different before and after Azkaban, and that afterwards it would have to be clumsy and awkward. I kind of like the idea of Remus being in a shell, and Sirius coaxing him out of it, and it's always fun to read the different things he does to get a reaction. *g*

I'm getting very interested in how they would play with the roles they've had, and how that would affect their relations, both in bed and otherwise.

Mindporn is always good. Especially when it gets so vivid that you can't help but put it to paper...;)

Hmm... weighing in

[jazzypom.livejournal.com]

I think I like your Remus in terms of control, I can see that happening.

My Sirius? Just as how nyxfixx writes him.

How does Sirius feel about being embraced after living with dementors?

I don't know, because he hugs Harry (one armed hug) doesn't he? He also doesn't flinch from people when they stand too close. I can see him having issues, but then he wants sex and touch because it's denied to him. I don't see Azkaban as the sexual deviation and dementor rapes that fandom does.

It's more sensory deprivation, living in the chill of bad thoughts, and you just wanting to be touched afterwards just to feel warm again. I see it along the lines of topaz_eyes it comes to this and anniesj's Sing My Heart. I thought fleshdress had some interesting concepts in her Lusty Month of May entries though... with regards to sex post azkaban...especially the one with Remus hating Sirius' frame post azkaban and only had sex with him when he was in his wolf form...

What kind of relationships has Remus had in the twelve years, and how does this affect his preferences? What about trust, can either trust the other to take or give control after what happened?

I see it ala franticbabbles Motorcyle Dreams. Remus would have cared for others, but after that Halloween, he'd never be the same again. He'd love, but a part of him would always be missing, which is why I can't see Tonks (ala HBP)staying around for long, she'd feel the lack.

With regards to Sirius/Lupin - Unhappily Ever After by setismma (sp?) is how I see it happening. Or even topaz_eyes there's alot of unresolved issues that are thrashed out with magical violence and the lot. Then, towards the end when something is there, Sirius goes. *sigh* It appeals to the machocist in me.

Re: Hmm... weighing in

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

I agree with you about Remus not trusting people after James and Lily were killed. Actually, I don't think he would have trusted people very much before that, but even less afterwards. As for Tonks, I can see her somebody too insensitive (certainly in HBP) to see that there might be somethingmore, but I would hope Remus wouldn't settle for that. Then again, she might develop.

It's an interesting thing about touching after Azkaban. I can see why Sirius would need to be touched, as a reassurance, as comfort, but I can also see an argument for why he would need distance and privacy. It's enjoyable to read how people negotiate that.

But thanks for commenting! :)

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I generally see Remus as very reluctant to lose control, and seeing sex as something that can be all about losing control in front of someone else, being completely unguarded, and he's not too comfortable with that. So I think Remus wants to be in charge during sex so he doesn't reveal too much. However, with Sirius, who knows him well in many ways, and learns how to get under his skin, he can let his guard down. And have his heart broken every time.

I tend to think of young Sirius as a hedonist - if it feels good, do it, as often as possible. But once he was committed, Sirius would never cheat (also, as an aside, he would never pursue Lily because Lily belongs to James), unless he were pushed to it by Remus's seeming indifference, and Remus would be afraid to call him on it because he'd take it as a sign of Sirius's boredom rather than a sign that Sirius wants to be called on it, wants to be reined in, wants someone to set some boundaries for him, that he can push against, because it's no fun being a rebel when there's nothing to rebel against.

On the other hand, given his mother's pureblood insanity, I can't imagine Sirius grew up believing homosexuality was okay - it doesn't end in breeding so it can't possibly be all right. So he might have some self-loathing to get over, which of course would give him something to bond with Remus about.

Once Sirius started suspecting Remus, if they were together, I imagine there was a lot of angry, desperate sex, where they really didn't understand what was going on with the other. I think that's their great tragedy as young men - as well as they know each other, each expects the other to respond the way he himself would and to understand the mixed signals he's sending out, but they just don't. It's like they're so close they can't see clearly.

During the twelve years Sirius was in Azkaban, I

After Azkaban, the dynamic is all turned around - Sirius is the one nobody wants around and Remus is the quiet voice of authority and reason people turn to for help (at least in the Order), and I'm sure Sirius sometimes resents that and chafes at it. I think Remus understands (and probably on some level enjoys) that turnabout, but also knows that Sirius needs time and more control than he did before.

I really love the renegotiation of the relationship post-Azkaban - that's what drew me to the pairing to begin with, the idea that even after everything, they could start to resolve all the years of pain and doubt. And then of course, Rowling went and killed Sirius, cutting that off just as things were getting better.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Whoops, got distracted. *g*


During the twelve years Sirius was in Azkaban, I think Remus probably had a lot of random, anonymous sex that didn't mean anything. He went out, had a few drinks, got laid, and moved on. I don't see him ever letting anyone as close as he let James, Sirius and Peter, and that's one reason I imagine he would get involved with Sirius again - because Sirius was one of the few people allowed in. After Sirius dies, I don't think anyone will ever get that close, even if/when Remus moves on to someone new. And I think that'd be frustrating for Tonks, who appears to not understand him at all.

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I generally see Remus as very reluctant to lose control, and seeing sex as something that can be all about losing control in front of someone else, being completely unguarded, and he's not too comfortable with that. So I think Remus wants to be in charge during sex so he doesn't reveal too much. However, with Sirius, who knows him well in many ways, and learns how to get under his skin, he can let his guard down. And have his heart broken every time.

Oh yes. This is what makes it so tantalising for me, how Sirius gets under Remus' skin, and how they learn to trust each other enough to do that.

And I agree with you on the Sirius wanting the boundaries, and Remus misunderstanding his actions, and how they both bring their own baggage to it.

That's what makes the pairing so interesting for me, how all their issues with themselves and their own sexualities come together, and yet there is knowledge of each other as well, and tension and friendship and trust.

Basically, I agree with everything you said. But illustrative porn is always good, too. *g*

[tesseract-5.livejournal.com]

Since I've written scenes from both view points, Sirius is more sure of himself, the one to do the active approach of the sex, but sees it more strightforwardly, a physical act.

Remus is all too aware of all the meanings of it, being the introspective guy he is, and has to shut off his brain to get into it. He can't pretend that things are ok as Sirius seems able to. This is probably a survival skill that Sirius had to learn at some point to get past Azkaban.

I don't know why, but I see the two more into petting and oral sex than full on fucking, perhaps due to Remus' aversion to the posibility of sharing blood accidentally? He's probably read WAY too many scary pamphlets and articles on this. uh.

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree that Sirius would see sex just as a physical act, like you say, and possibly have less issues with it. Whereas Remus would be somehwat paralysed by all the possible meanings of it. Which makes it an interesting mix. *g*

[ladyblack888.livejournal.com]

So, by default, us women don't have absolutely any control in sex because we're the ones being fucked, right? Bless Judaic-Christian mentalities...

In my view, when Sirius gets into something, he goes all the way. So, being gay or bi, he'll want to be buggered. And I can see him as being a bit selfish when it comes to pleasure (like I am), so he'll probably prefer to just be there, while Remus has all the work and gives him the pleasure (because he has a prostate). Still, as any relationship, I like them switching.
Of course, if I follow the Fandom view of wanting just one of them topping and Remus being less manly than Sirius, then Remus is the one topping, because when there's a relationship when only tops, that's usually the less manly, despite what Manga may show us (well, those are usually made for teen girls, not for grown gay men).

After Azkaban I see them having more sex than talking, because there'd be too much to talk about, too much awkwardness, too many gruges, and it would be easier to mantain a fake sense of normality and security through sex.

[tesseract-5.livejournal.com]

I really don't understand the fandom view of only one partner topping -- of gay guys I've talked to, that's a myth mostly. Most want to be topped ;)

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to imply that control and losing control meant buggering and being buggered; there are many ways that one can control or feel in control through a variety of acts. I certainly wouldn't say that women by default have no power in sex.

But yes, I agree with Sirius wanting to feel everything and going all the way. And being lazy as well. *g*

I tend to think that there isn't one who tops all the time, rather that they switch and that topping and bottoming aren't about traditionally gendered roles.

After Azkaban I see them having more sex than talking, because there'd be too much to talk about, too much awkwardness, too many gruges, and it would be easier to mantain a fake sense of normality and security through sex.

Oh yes. I can definitely see that, and it gives a whole new spin on what it means to touch and be touched.

[shaggydogstail.livejournal.com]

I spend quite a lot of time thinkng about this...*g*

I agree with you about Remus finding it important to be in control, and this is very much the case when it comes to sex. I do tend to write a more alpha!Remus, but I'm also rather uncomfortable with the term, and I don't like it being portrayed as a wolfy thing, because to me it's the opposite. I think he likes to be in charge in bed because it allows him greater control.

On the touchy/feely side of things, I tend to see it as being the other way around, and I think Remus would be more inclined to be tactile than Sirius, though I notice they are seldom written this way. I think Remus received a lot more physical affection as a child than Sirius did, because he came from a loving family. Remus' parents probably gave him lots of loving cuddles, especially when he was recovering from his transformations, so he is used to physical contact being a form of comfort and a way of expressing affection. However, I don't think there that much cuddling ever went on in the Black household, so the whole idea of physical contact was a bit alien to Sirius.

I think that Sirius' problems with physical contact lessened during the years of his friendship with the Marauders and his relationship with Remus, but came back tenfold after Azkaban. At this point I see him as both craving physical affection, but also fearing it and not knowing how to do it. Not surprising given that he hadn't been touched at all for 12 years.

I also tend to see Remus as being more sexually experienced than Sirius, which is again a minority view, I think. This is because I can see Remus as being more likely to have had casual sexual relationships before they got together. Sirius, I think, is something of a romantic--not in the sense of hearts and flowers, but that he believes in grand passions and undying love. Sirius distrusts the notion of casual relationships because he dislikes their superficiality. This is reinforced by his wariness of physical contact--any physical contact, and he doesn't feel confident about being physically close to someone he doesn't know and trust. This is not, of course, how teenage boys are meant to feel; it's girls who are meant to want to be in love, but then how boys and girls are meant to feel and how they actually feel are two very different things. So I don't think this is something Sirius would actually broadcast, but he's immune from the peer pressure thing that sometimes pushes teenagers into casual sex because of his general sense of confidence and fuck-off attitude. Plus, it helps that he is so attractive--we get the impression that Sirius could have almost anyone he wanted and everyone knows it, so he doesn't feel the need to pull just to prove himself.

Remus, on the other hand, I see as being more likely to indulge in casual sex, because it's falling in love that he fears more than simple physical intimacy. Because he is a werewolf, he feels it is less likely that he will be able to have a long-term, lasting relationship and he finds it hard to trust people well enough to try. It's not that he doesn't want that, it's just that he thinks he's unlikely to get it. But he's pragmatic and is happy to have one night stands or whatever because they can satisfy his sexual desires without the need for the emotional involvement that troubles him. This also has the benefit of allowing him to feel more in control.

Wow, I've said a lot, and I haven't even got around to pushy!sub!Sirius. Ah, well, that'll do for now. *g*

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

OH yes. I agree with you on...well, everything, really. But it's interesting that although I can see Remus getting hugs from his family and Sirius not, I would still think that Remus would not be comfortable with casual touching. And that Sirius would be, but perhaps more with casually punching people. Actually, It's all to do with James because I think James is a casually touching kind of guy and he would set Sirius more at ease with that. And perhaps be more cautious with Remus, who prefers to keep his distance in other ways.

But with the whole falling in love thing, absolutely. That's how I see it would work.

Although I still think you should write illustrative porn just to make it clearer. *g*

And tell me more about pushy!sub!Sirius!

[tesseract-5.livejournal.com]

oooh... excellent points, Shaggy, You _really_ make me rethink this pair for a bit, hmm.

On the touchy/feely side of things, I tend to see it as being the other way around, and I think Remus would be more inclined to be tactile than Sirius, though I notice they are seldom written this way. I think Remus received a lot more physical affection as a child than Sirius did, because he came from a loving family.

This I definitely agree with, and hadn't thought about much at all! Remus does seem to have had loving parents, like James, but with less spoiling. I wonder though if Remus' parents were a bit distant after the bite, taking him to doctors and quacks, but perhaps not understanding the monster they'd have to lock up once a month? Dunno. He does seem a lot more grounded as an adult in a lot of ways, except for the craving for affirmation and friendship that JKR has talked about.

[ladyblack888.livejournal.com]

I agree, but I also see Sirius as the type of being delibratly touchy, to avoid being touched. Does this make sense? I mean, he'd see people (or James) being touchy, making him not want to seem awkward. So he'd touch a lot, not giving people space to touch him first a catch him of guard (I still think that I'm still not making sense to others, but I tend to 'channel' Sirius. Strike that. I tend to make Sirius channel me *blushes*)

[ressa6778.livejournal.com]

I see Sirius as very touchy with the Marauders and such. For me the fac that Sirius came from a cold family environment would make him more tactile with his choosen family. To my knowledge this is often how this happens. People who grow up withouot the love and affection that most consider normal, want to ensure that their future families aren't like that. Instead of waiting until he was out of school though Sirius formed his future family at Hogwatrs.

As for Remus I agree that he would need to maintain a measure of control in his regular non-wolf life. However I also see the wolf as very integral to his character and don't think he could ever be truely at ease with people his wolf side didn't accept. I don't mean that the wolf is a constant influence on Remus and is a major factor in his actions but that at all times, somewhere in him the wolf is there. I think that if Remus were surounded with people whom the wolf also approved of it would make it easier for Remus to maintain control over that facet of his life. Remus wouldn't have to distance himself from others as much. Obviously I see the wolf as loving and highly approving of Sirius and the rest. I see the wolf aspect as lonely and wanting friends as much as Remus must have before Hogwarts. The Marauders gave this to him. So the relationship between Remus and Sirius would be the easiest with the rest of the Marauders not far behind. And as a result Remus would be better able to touch others etc because of his realtionship with Sirius.

Sorry if this rambles in some places. First time really writing out what I have had stewing in my head for quite awhile.

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I agree with you about Sirius creating himself a family from the Marauders. And the kind of casual friendly touches teenage boys can allow.

I think Remus is always very aware of the wolf, and this makes him cautious about letting it control his relations with people. But of course that can affect him in so many ways, which in turn makes it so interesting to write about. :)

[the-dark-twin.livejournal.com]

I can't say I have any enlightening thoughts to add on the subject, but I just wanted to say that I think Music: Franz Ferdinand: Darts of pleasure is an excellent soundtrack for this discussion.

Mmmhhh...

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Oh yes.

[venilia.livejournal.com]

I agree that Remus likes to top, but I don't think it always has to be that way for him. Writing R/S is very interesting for me, because while outwardly I am very much like Remus, inwardly I have a big old puppydog heart, and also my Kerwen is a lot like Sirius. So I get both perspectives really well.

That said, here's my take on them. For Remus it's not so much about being in control as not giving up control. For all he's faught with the wolf most of his life, he still has this deep aching well of need to be touched and coddled and be safe enough to allow himself to be coddled. Remus was a child when he was bitten, so he has the emotional baggage of a child victim. He's very protective of himself, and makes his friends jump through hoops to prove that he can trust them, but at the same time has a low enough opinion of himself that he's just waiting for the other shoe to drop and his friends to tell him to go take a long walk off a short pier.

Since he is so gaurded about himself, it takes a lot to let Sirius in. But when he does, he does it whole-heartedly and does his best to sort of reward Sirius for choosing him. Like an animal keeping his mate interested (I'm actually thinking of lovebirds or turtledoves here, not wolves.)

Therefore in bed, though he loves watching Sirius come apart beacause of him (it's a sort of involuntary proof Sirius can give Remus that he really is in love with poor, shabby Remus Lupin), loves claiming Sirius for himself (yes, he's a biter. loves hickeys - giving and receiving) he also needs for Sirius to let him give up control every once in a while, mostly just to prove to himself that he's safe enough with Sirius to do so.

So Remus is complicated. With Sirius, however, it's very, very simple: Remus is everything, and deserves everything, and Sirius wants to give him everything, including himself. For Sirius, bottoming is like the most perfect love-act ever. Remus adores him enough to want to be inside him, and he's so crazy about Remus that he wants as much Remus inside him (figuratively and literally) as he can get. He also just loves being fucked because he's got a submissive streak a mile wide for the right person (Remus) whom he can trust. His parents' discipline was unfair and unjust, and he's spent so much time serving detention for pranks that he doesn't really take authority seriously. But he still needs someone to set some occasional boundaries for him, and that person is Remus. Remus is one of his best mates, but also very much his alpha.

All that said, they're boys. I don't think either of them ponder the why's of sex all that much, and although I think Remus likes to top and Sirius likes to bottom, I also think that they're best friends who are up for anything with each other and like to keep thier relationship of equal footing. Ergo, in my book at least, although they have their usual way of having sex the boys do switch hit.

(Can you tell I'm avoiding writing an essay for school here?)

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Heh. It's always fun to write essays about something else when you have deadlines. Fun and stressful.

I like your idea of Remus making his friends jump through the hoops before trusting them, and I can see how it would be the same with sex. That would certainly affect the ways Remus and Sirius think about each other in bed.

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

In my "canon" (my canon- meaning Accidentally In Love, not JKR's canon) version of Sirius and Remus, the sex is bound up in trust issues, not control issues. Remus does try to sleep with someone who is not Sirius, but because my Remus attaches so much importance to sex, he's not able to do it (partly because his potential partner gives him no real reason to trust him). Ditto Sirius, actually. In my favorite version, Remus and Sirius end up sleeping together precisely because they trust each other and very few other people, and then that sexual relationship becomes something more, because trust and friendship was the foundation.

But as a result, the physical aspects of it tend to be very hedonistic on both sides. My Remus has a rather unholy love of bottoming, but that's just because that's what I like reading for some reason. It's not a control issue, however- it's simply Remus LIKES it. A LOT. (I suspect it might be I have a huge attraction to Sirius and there's some self-insertation there or something in that I'd like to imagine I'm sleeping with Sirius, but I'm not sure. I'd rather not analyze it that deeply.) But it's not a passive or a control thing- in fact, my version of Remus tends to be very outspoken about that particular desire. My version of Sirius is willing to go along with it. In AIL canon, the idea is supposed to be they switch off depending on mood and whim of the moment, but if you could up all the times I know Remus tops versus when Sirius tops... it ain't equal.

I tend to write them as both being willing to experiment with some less vanilla kinks, but nothing hard-core. Definitely some restraints, maybe outdoors or semi-public, but again, nothing fancy. I think a large majority of committed couples tend towards nothing REALLY strange. I mean, there might be some toy play (which I never do because I don't really find it attractive) or roleplay or light D/s or light bondage, but I don't think most couples get into nipple clamps and blood and serious S/M.

Post-PoA, I still like the same dynamic. Again, I like the idea of their sex life springing from their trust of each other, which kind of wipes away the control concerns (on either person's part). I think there's a lot of seperate issues that people mix together: control does not always equal topping, trust does not always equal bottoming, and the whole dynamic is very complicated.

Now, that all said, I have a horrible, terrible kink for a very dominant Sirius. Not necessarily a strongly submissive Remus, mind you, although I also have a soft spot for experienced Sirius/virgin Remus. I would really, REALLY like to see a strong D/s fic with a Sirius as the dominant (something along the lines of The Taming of Sirius Black), but I'd probably better not hold my breath for that one. And I hate to admit this, but I even stretch that kink enough to dubious consent or near-non-con, as long as Sirius is the dominant. Sadly (and at the same time, probably just as well), the hugely dominant Sirius (not even always cruel- just dominant) is not a very popular kink. ::sigh::

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Heh. I know what you mean about eth self-insertation, but perhaps less said about that, the better.

I definitely see what you mean about trust and sex being involved issues for Remus, and how that would affect their relations. It also occurs to me that I haven't read "Accidentally in Love" although I have seen it recced far and wide, and will go read it now.

But yes, I agree with you about kinks, and how that would work into the relationship. It's something I find very inetresting to read about in fics, how different writers explore the issue.

So, er, if you find any more of those dominant!Sirius fics do let me know. :)